You might be a Hoser if...

  1. You stand in a 'line-up' at the movies, not a line.
  2. You go to the rink to watch a hockey game and you sit and watch another hockey game on TV.
  3. You know what a Sleeman is.
  4. You count on the fact that the store carries Ketchup or Dill Pickle potato chips.
  5. You don't have to be explained where Nanaimo Bars originated from.
  6. You prefer the name Sasquatch to Bigfoot. Plus, you've seen one.
  7. It's been well over 100 years and you still have an opinion on Louis Riel.
  8. You think the 'States' is a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.
  9. You can convert from Metric to Imperial and back again, like you are some kind of genius.
  10. You know that 'Thrills' gum was cheap and 'tasted like soap'. Why?
  11. You know that '100 km/h' does NOT mean '100 Kanadian miles an hour'.
  12. You admit that Jim Carrey is Canadian and you're glad Adam Sandler is not.
  13. You know that Leslie Nielsen's brother used to be the Deputy Prime Minister of Canada.
  14. You've watched game shows where nobody won anything ie. 'Front Page Challenge'.
  15. You love to tell Americans that we once invaded the US and burned down the White House.
  16. You go to the rink to watch a hockey game and you sit and watch another hockey game on TV.
  17. When you are out of the country you get 'Tim Hortons Withdrawal'.
  18. Somehow you are shocked when you see cereal boxes in only English.
  19. You get 'plenty ticked' when someone mistakes you for an American.
  20. You love the free health care but you complain about the taxes. Naturally!
  21. You grew up knowing the joys of Dairy Milk, Caramilk, Aero Bars, and the real Smarties.
  22. You recognize only two seasons: hockey season and the rest of the year.
  23. You have at least three boxes of Kraft Dinner in your pantry.
  24. You’re not bilingual, but you do know all the cool swear words in French.
  25. You have vacationed in Cuba.
  26. You actually love donuts more than any American... including Homer Simpson.
  27. You know Molson’s 'I Am Canadian' rant off by heart.
  28. You can proudly rattle off a list of Canadian celebrities who made it big in Hollywood.
  29. You know what a Double Double is, and you also know how to Roll Up the Rim to Win.
  30. You can actually roll your 'RRRR's when you say 'Roll Up the Rim to Win'.
  31. You love to measure distance in time. ie. I live 2 hours from Toronto.
  32. You love Canadian actors but rarely watch Canadian movies.
  33. Every conversation you have usually begins or ends with the weather.
  34. Get excited when someone wants to talk about the weather with you.
  35. You hear several people complaining about the weather in the same day.
  36. You use the metric system... sort of.
  37. You can find Saskatchewan on a map - and pronounce it correctly.
  38. You're not offended by the term, 'Homo Milk'.
  39. You understand the sentence: Could you pass me a serviette, I've got poutine on my face.
  40. You're polite as heck, just as long as someone doesn't mess with your beer and bacon.
  41. The snowbank in the back of your pickup is where you park your skidoo.
  42. You get aroused when you smell bacon or maple syrup.
  43. Someone singing the phrase 'Good good whole-wheat shreddies' gets you excited.
  44. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
  45. You drink pop, not soda.
  46. You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'.
  47. You can drink legally while your'e still a teenager.
  48. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
  49. To you, Cuba is just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars.
  50. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
  51. You see 'Pike' as a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
  52. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
  53. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
  54. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
  55. You know that Mounties 'don't always look like that'.
  56. You dismiss all beers under 5% as 'for children and the elderly'.
  57. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a frozen vegetable product line.
  58. You can 'handle' your beer.
  59. You don't humour spellcheck when it flags 'Colour' or 'Harbour'. (That's the rumour).
  60. You know the difference between back bacon and side bacon.
  61. To you, there is no such thing as 'Canadian Bacon'. It is all just bacon.
  62. You buy beer at the 'Beer Store'.
  63. You know that 'Casey and Finnegan' are not a Celtic musical group.
  64. You participated in 'Participaction'.
  65. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
  66. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
  67. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
  68. You were mad at the CBC when 'The Beachcombers' was taken off the air.
  69. You know who 'Relic' was.
  70. You know what 'Dog River' is and you even know the real name of the town.
  71. You know what a toque is, and you own one and often wear it.
  72. You know Toronto is NOT a province.
  73. You don't laugh when someone says Saskatchewan.
  74. You never miss 'Coach's Corner' during Hockey Night in Canada.
  75. You recall the 'Tommy Hunter Show'.
  76. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
  77. Your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill.
  78. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
  79. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  80. You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
  81. You have over 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
  82. You know that Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
  83. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  84. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  85. Driving's better in the winter because potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
  86. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie.
  87. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  88. You bring Canadian Tire money on vacation to see if you can buy beer with it.
  89. The local paper covers national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
  90. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
  91. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  92. You find -40C a little chilly.
  93. The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
  94. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your snow boots.
  95. You can play road hockey on skates.
  96. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter and Construction.
  97. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
  98. You perk-up when you hear the old theme from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
  99. You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet 'zed' instead of 'zee'.
  100. You know all the words to 'If I had a million dollars' by The Barenaked Ladies.
  101. You cried when Gus 'drowned' on Road To Avonlea.
  102. You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.
  103. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing Diefenbaker.
  104. You love The Tragically Hip.
  105. You know what it means to smell 'Burnt Toast!' because you saw it on TV.
  106. You know what 'Kanata' means because you saw it on TV.
  107. You can sing O' Canada in French and actually know what the words mean.
  108. You are familiar with the Arctic Ptarmigan because you saw it on TV.
  109. You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
  110. You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
  111. You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
  112. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
  113. You know who the 'Zit Remedy' were.
  114. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards.
  115. You know who Stompin' Tom Connors is.
  116. You think -10 C is mild weather.
  117. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
  118. You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky .
  119. You have twins named Gordie and Howe.
  120. You know the ingredients for poutine.
  121. You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.
  122. You dressed as Bruno Gerussi for Halloween.
  123. You dressed as Don Cherry for Halloween.
  124. You substitute beer for water when cooking.
  125. You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'
  126. You prefer Elvis Stojko when he had 'hockey hair'.
  127. You know the chorus of 'The Log Driver's Waltz'.
  128. You used to stay up until midnight to hear the Canadian national anthem on TV.
  129. You used to get up at 5:00 am to hear the Canadian national anthem on TV.
  130. You get mad at Americans when they say 'ruff' instead of 'roof'.
  131. Your gravy boat is shaped like the Bluenose.
  132. You refuse to consume chocolate unless it comes in Smarties form.
  133. You can't begin your day without a Tims double-double.
  134. You know the difference between 'real' snow and 'television' snow.
  135. When someone accidently steps on your foot. You apologize.
  136. You're either out to bingo or getting stinko on a Sudbury Saturday night.
  137. You've hear someone say 'Stay where yer at, 'till I gets where yer to'.
  138. You pity people who haven't tasted a 'Beaver Tail'.
  139. You can complete the phrase: 'The good old hocky game is...'
  140. You own a ROOTS sweatshirt that always smells like cigarettes and beer.
  141. You have a milk bag snipper stuck to your fridge.
  142. Your fingers are stained red from ketchup chip residue.
  143. You know the sofa upholstery shop where Don Cherry buys the material for his suits.
  144. You often end sentences with 'eh' and you don't even realize it... eh.
  145. You use the word 'Chesterfield' and nobody laughs.
  146. You use the word 'Parkade' and everybody knows what you're talking about.
  147. You can say the word 'Poutine' properly.
  148. When the football league had two teams named 'Roughriders' you were perfectly ok with it.
  149. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May.
  150. Someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there.
  151. You've worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
  152. You've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialled a wrong number.
  153. You measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada.
  154. You've switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day... and back again.
  155. You drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
  156. You carry jumper cables in your car and you knows how to use them.
  157. The speed limit is 100km/h, you're going 110 and everybody is still passing you.
  158. You still don't know who Mr. Rogers is... but you know Mr. Dressup.
  159. You are very familiar with the phrase 'I'll call Rusty'.
  160. When you heard the 'Austin Powers' theme you knew it as the theme from 'Definition'.
  161. You still know people that know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
  162. If you have a 'personal' frozen tongue to metal story.
  163. You know basketball is Canadian, and you're still worried about those poor peach baskets.
  164. You stare at the 'The Log Driver's Waltz' cartoon when it comes on TV. It's like a drug.
  165. You actually picked up all the Canadian references in 'Austin Powers'.
  166. You are proud of the fact the Prime Minister once conked a burgler with an Inuit carving.
  167. You're proud that the voice of Peter Parker in the animated Spiderman series was Canadian.
  168. You grew up with three channels, and one of them was French... and you loved it.
  169. You once played hockey on the local pond, that you had to clear yourself.
  170. You can recite the next line in the lyric, 'The Cat Came Back...'
  171. The only bowling you know is 5-pin bowling, and that isn't a problem.
  172. You order an 'All Dressed' pizza in the USA and the waiter puts on a tie and jacket.
  173. You know that 'Bare Naked Ladies' is not a burlesque show.
  174. In the winter you drive a beater.
  175. You think it's perfectly natural to combine tomato juice and clam juice.
  176. You have spent many hours pondering the 'Caramilk Secret'.
  177. Your friend from the States mocks you for saying 'eh'... But you don't hear it, eh.
  178. You have a farmer tan, and you aren't a farmer.
  179. You tell someone from the US you have a mickey in the glove box, and they look confused.
  180. You actually understand the game of Curling.
  181. Someone refers to a 'double raised take-out' and you know what they're talking about.
  182. You use the word 'Saskabush' and everybody knows what you're talking about.